By:  David Othus

 

As adults we must admit that sometimes our self-esteem falls too, and to be honest, it was a child who kept me motivated at times, in fact many more times than I care to admit. Children have something that we lost along to way; they have the gift of seeing the world as it was made to be, perfect. But what do we do when that perfect vision is tainted and that child’s self-esteem drops? How to do you get them to keep believing in themselves again?

It has been proven that majority of the negative activities that teens get involved with is as a result of self-esteem issues which started at a younger age. According to a study reported in the article Low Self Esteem: Facts and Stats: 75% of girls with low self-esteem have admitted to engaging in negative activities such as smoking, drinking and even cutting themselves. 75% is far too much, so what do we do to raise our children’s self-esteem? How to we help them regain it after failure?

Certainly, it can be difficult to find the right words to say to a child after he/she fails. The absolute worst thing you can do when a child fails is ridicule them for the failure; make them feel like the worst person ever for missing that winning shot in their football game. Instead, reassure them that it really is okay, everyone fails at some point. Tell them about that one time the clock was winding down in your basketball game and they passed you the ball and you missed, in front of the whole school. Tell them how embarrassed you were; make them know that even you can make mistakes, as grown up as you may be. Then tell them how they played a good game and that is essentially what matters; focus on their performance and not their mistake.

Though too much praise can hinder a child’s development, it is very important to praise a child many times a day. It is so easy to tell a child no, don’t, can’t and stop but instead of threatening them if they don’t do something right, tell them that if they do this right, they will be rewarded.

Ultimately, the ease with which a child will readily accept failure on their own comes from how a child is raised. Self-esteem and self confidence comes from loving them and believing in them.

Nurture a child’s self-esteem

  1. Tell your children that you love them, say it often and sometimes for no reason.
  2. Help your child build healthy relationships. Encourage sleep overs and make their friends feel welcome.
  3. Let them feel valuable by doing simple things such as helping around the house. Children need opportunities to show their competence; ask them to set the table, help you make the beds, small deeds like that help them to feel a sense of self worth.
  4. Allow your child to take risks, healthy risks. Your child will never learn self worth if you keep saving him before he even gets a chance to try. Instead of grabbing the bottle from him, allow him to pour himself a glass of orange juice and if he spills it, don’t make him feel bad about it, allow him to learn from his mistakes and solve his own problem.
  5. Let them make their own choices appropriate to their age. Let them pick out their own clothes; ask them what they want for breakfast. It gives them a sense of power and if they choose to wear a coat on a hot day, then they will learn to take responsibility for their own choices.
  6. Improve your own self confidence. Confidence is not inherited and children mimic what their parents do so most likely if you lack self-esteem your child will see it and he will start to doubt himself as well.

Failure is a part of life; if we don’t fail there would be nothing new to learn. If your child fails:

  1. Many parents make the mistake in thinking that failure will permanently damage a child’s self-esteem; quite the contrary! Failure is a golden opportunity to help build self-esteem; so don’t lose sleep over it.
  2. Make sure that your child’s goals are attainable for his age or level of capability. The reason for their failure could be that they are given books that are slightly above his level so he can’t quite sound out that one word, it doesn’t mean that they are a failure as a person. Picture not working out a day in your life and then all of a sudden you start heading to the gym every single day. As ambitious as that is, it would be above your level and you would be setting yourself up for failure. Don’t do that to your child; set goals within their reach.
  3. Most of all, never give up! Try and try again. Encourage your child to get up and brush off, tell them to try things their own way, take risks and face challenges. True failure lies in giving up.

Self-Esteem is what will protect your child from the harsh realities of this world and as they grow up, you have to teach them to be more self sufficient. Teach them to recognize their own strengths are weaknesses, love them and help them to feel good about themselves. Teach them healthy self-esteem and that self confidence doesn’t mean feeling better than everyone else.

Never ignore your child or treat them like a nuisance. Never dwell on the things they didn’t do quite right, teach them optimism through humor. Be silly with them, talk about something silly you did even at your age now, make fun of yourself to let them know it is indeed ok to fail. Teach them to make lemonade with the lemons life will throw their way.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

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